Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize