I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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