The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Green mimosas i think yes
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
