Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
