so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
