you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
BRING THE BAGELS
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
