I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
