I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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