How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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