**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize