Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
