Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My vagina just clenched in fear
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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