Already got asked if we're dating
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
