In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
