i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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