That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
