How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
