Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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