She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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