i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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