i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
