Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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