Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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