Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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