I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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