Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
You left your phone here
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