She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
