Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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