so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
