your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
