I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
