i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
