I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
