I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
