You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
