Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
