my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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