It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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