a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
