I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
