I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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