Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
