she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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