Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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