Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
