you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
