You smell like a Billy Joel song
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We talked him into tasing himself.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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