Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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