Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
