you guys were way drunker than both of me
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
