Your face is a jimmy john
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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