All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
