no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
please don't ironically join a cult
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