i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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