Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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