i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
