____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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