i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
