i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
