We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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