i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
