On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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