oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize