I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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