I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
There's always time for handjobs
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
