I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Acid is not a monday night drug
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
