my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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