I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
zippers are such a cool invention
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
