I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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