My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
