I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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