my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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