have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
