Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
