Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
