Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
