I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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