You're completely useless in the revolution.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm experimenting with sincerity
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize