Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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