hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Randomize
