Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
