You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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