I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
40s are totally the cure
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
