I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
