she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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