I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
she pinky promised me she was 18
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
