Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
