I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
