My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
