I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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