I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
