Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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