At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
