I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
