I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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