Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
