My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
