Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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